Crafty Crafty Crafty!!

I have been feeling very crafty lately. I want to build and sew and invent every single thing that goes into our house!! Chris got me started on it with the whole "hey let's build our own dining room table" thing...and it turned out absolutely beautiful! It's a rich, dark wood with beautiful graining and knots...and it has carved leaves and vines around the edges. I've never seen such a pretty breakfast bar. (pictures to follow!)

Now, whenever I say, "Oh, we probably need a bookcase" or, "let's get some side tables" or, "we will probably want a headboard or something sometime", Chris says, "Okay, I'll build it for you, just tell me how you want it." ...and it's starting to rub off on me. I found a duvet cover at pottery barn that I LOVE, but it is 500 dollars. ...and THEN I found a pattern online for the EXACT SAME duvet...and the girl who posted it made it to replace her pottery barn duvet, and spent about 50 bucks on materials. Hello, future ginormous sewing project that will look exactly how I want it to and be super fun and save us tons of money!!

I've decided to wait to make it until my schedule is a little more open--besides, Chris and I still have to stain the stools to match our table, and paint some Christmas decorations. (We found some awesome Santas at Michaels, and decided they would be fun to paint. We also found a nativity set that you can paint--so so so tempting!!)

Anyway, we have become very projecty people. It was so fun building that table. I used a chop saw and a nail gun for the first time--it was so fun! ...and we helped Chris' friend do some construction in the basement. He is dividing the basement into 3 rooms, and we built and put up the frames or studs or whatever...anyway, it involved a lot of chopping and nailing and banging things into place. It was cool to see the rooms take shape. I'm really glad I am marrying someone that is so handy--I'm pretty sure if I handed him a picture of a house I wanted, he would hire a plumber and electrician, and build it himself. (I sincerely doubt that will ever happen, but I do know that if we ever decide to rennovate, we will do it ourselves.)

So, right now, we have a big list of projects:

Done: Table
Next: stain 2 stools. paint santas
Future: sew duvet cover, shams, bed skirt, and throw pillows for bed and couches. Build bookcase, build shelves for closet, build side tables, build bed, and any other wooden furniture we decide we want. Paint living room fern green, paint bedroom dusky blue.

I love having projects. It is so much fun to create, especially with Chris--he gets so excited!! ...and it is so satisfying to look at something and know that we made it together, and it is ours, and it is beautiful. I look forward to a lifetime of creating beautiful things with Chris. ...like crafts and stuff. not children. well, not for a while, at least/

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!

The best thing about life is that there are so many things to look forward to. When I was little, I used to think it was silly that stores started decorating for holidays months ahead of time--now I love it!! I love the build up of excitement! I am so excited for so many things right now--I am excited to visit Chris' hometown for a week, and to have Thanksgiving with both of our families the next week in Michigan. I am excited to marry Chris December 18th. I am excited for our first Christmas together. I am excited to finish the semester. I am excited to move to Phoenix for a few months while Chris is on active duty orders. I am excited to build our little dining table together this weekend...I am excited to move in and furnish our whole apartment! I am excited to get together with friends at girls' nights, bridal showers, open houses, and receptions to celebrate and enjoy one another's company. But mostly, right now, I am just very, very, VERY excited for Christmas.

I love Christmas so much. I love listening to Christmas music. I love baking and decorating Christmas cookies with my mom and sisters. I love going adventuring through Christmas tree farms, and picking out the fullest, yummiest smelling, and biggest and bestest and awesomest tree ever!! I love taking the tree home and decorating it. I love all of the old traditions and the new ones...I loved sneaking downstairs Christmas morning to look at the tree and presents, and finding reindeer droppings (chocolate covered nuts) all over the house, and I loved writing letters to our resident elves, Holly, Soot, and Mistletoe (also known as Rachael, Mary Beth, and Ruth). I love new traditions, too--I love making ornaments. Last year Chris and I spray painted a bunch of cinnamon-scented pinecones a shiny gold, and tied them with bright green and red plaid ribbons. My mom, Mary Beth, Elise and I made citrus ornaments and popcorn strings to hang on our Dr. Seuss tree.

This Christmas is going to be very different. For the first time, I will not be waking up Christmas morning to a house full of my sisters. I will be in a little apartment in Cambridge Court, with my married-7-days-ago husband...I will have no rule that I have to wait until 7 to get up. mwahaha!!!

I am so excited to start blending the traditions of our two families together. Chris and I have talked a lot about Christmas traditions. We've agreed to try to alternate Christmas with our families...we've also agreed to open one present, (Christmas pajamas) on Christmas eve, to sleep with the Christmas quilt from my Grandmother Jere and Aunt Ann on our bed (but only after thanksgiving), to continue the reindeer droppings tradition, and to always, always, always have a live, deliciously christmassy smelling tree in our house.

On the subject of stockings, we've agreed to combine traditions (and I'm thinking of adding a few more.) My dad always put some very specific things in our stockings: assorted Lindt truffles, a bag of nuts, fruit snacks, one orange, and a small stocking present--often smart wool socks or a pepperige farm salami. Chris had a similar stocking, but with the distinction of Cracker Jacks (he is very emphatic that we keep this). I also have a few things I think would be fun to add. I really want to put a letter in. Starting out, this would just be a letter from me to Chris, or him to me. But when we have kids, it would be a letter from Chris and me to each of them individually--a letter to them about the little things they do we love, our favorite memories from that year, and how grateful we are that they are a part of our family. I think it would be cool for our kids to have a letter from every Christmas as they grew up...18 years at home. And who knows, maybe we'd continue this tradition after they left?! ...Also, I want beef jerkey in my stocking.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

A few days ago, I spent about 2 hours trying to guess what Chris was planning for Christmas. I have a problem with surprises...I just HAVE to know. Eventually, I convinced him to list off 10 possible presents, with the two real ones hidden among the distractors, so I could guess which ones they were. He had fantastic decoys, though, and I honestly have no idea what he is planning. I am impressed he has held out so long--I am very persuasive. But then again, he's probably learned from the time I convinced him to give me my birthday present 2 months early, and after he did, I said, "I can't believe you gave it to me."

I am so excited! I've spent the last few days looking up Christmas stockings, tree skirts, angel tree toppers, crafty christmas ornaments, and fun traditions. I've already decided to cut off part of the trunk of our tree, and write "our first christmas tree"" on it, and make it into an ornament for our future trees. I also have decided to wrap up a bunch of Christmas stories and books the month before Christams, and read them as a family that whole month...A Christmas Carol, Christmas Oranges, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, The Little Match Girl...and maybe a few movies, too...White Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, Elf, ect.

What are your favorite Christmas traditions? Any favorite memories? What are you most excited about? Share! Share! Share!

So Close

I miss you. I crave your scent, your touch, your laughter. Rereading letters or looking through pictures of us does not fill the space inside me. It doesn't drive away the cold I feel. I kind of shrink up, as if, by trying to make itself smaller, my body can overflow a little, and release some of the ache. It doesn't work. Not ever. I still reach out to you with my whole soul; every day, like the night I was searching for answers, I run to you.

It has been almost 2 months since I've seen your face. We have only a week left--just a few days, really--but it feels like miles and miles away from the end. The summer has flown by, but the days are still wretchedly slow. Seven days feels like eternity; one day feels like thousands.

If I can just continue existing, time will carry the rest.

Sunday Thoughts on Family

Last night I opened up the backpack Chris left with me to bring to him after MBT graduation. Everything in it had a wonderful memory...A book I gave him to read Victor Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning) was bookmarked about halfway through. His journal was stuck in the front pocket. We both have leather-bound journals; we bought them together and wrote a letter to eachother in the first few pages. I remembered that the day we got the journals we also went to DI and bought some thick old books. We spent weeks cutting holes in the books and gluing the pages together to make a little hiding place, just like one of Neal Caffrey's (White Collar, anyone?).

His laptop was also in the backpack. Chris' laptop has a fingerprint scanner. He had me enroll my left ring finger in it months ago--the finger he bought a ring for. I swiped my finger and laughed at his screensaver--a picture of us in a couple of port-a-potties. I idly clicked on "my photos" and looked through some of his files...and realized that Chris had pictures saved that I'd never seen. Some of them were random (ex: a picture of me in my flannel pajama pants that matched his) ...but I stumbled across an enormous file of engagement pictures. I'd forgotten that I had only half of the photos from the shoot, because my flash drive couldn't hold them all--Chris had all of them. All 1,206 photos.

So, I checked the time, saw that it was very, very late, decided to be responsible, and went to bed.

Yeah, right. I set up a slideshow, got a glass of water, and looked at photographs of us until 5 a.m. There was so much emotion behind every photo--I felt like I was back there, laughing at Chris' silly faces, stealing a kiss between photos, trying to get Chris to smile for the camera when I knew he was tired and grumpy. But I also felt something I've only caught snatches of since Chris left (in his calls and letters). I felt something that I've started to doubt and wonder about in his absence. I could see in those photos how much he loves me. I found a shot of him kissing my forehead, and I could literally feel the tenderness I saw there. It was a strong reminder that what we have is real--that he really does love me, and that waiting for him to come back is completely and entirely worth it.

I woke up this morning with renewed strength. Even if I am lonely, I am not alone. I have wonderful sisters and parents that love me. My friends and roommates love me. God loves me. Chris loves me. How could I forget that? How could I doubt, and think that separation would somehow change how he feels?

Today was a hard day. But it was also a good day. Our bishopric was released, along with their wives. I've become really close to Sister Loler, and I broke down in tears when she hugged me goodbye and told me, "This is hard, but it will make your relationship with Chris stronger--your marriage will be absolutely solid. Good luck, send us a wedding invitation when the time comes!" I'll miss her so much. I'm glad I got to know her this last term. I spent the afternoon with Elise and Ruth--we had a wonderful dinner. Chris' mom called me to see how I was doing--and again, I felt so much love from her. Kim texted me to tell me she loved and missed me. My apartment had a bunch of people over to play games, and I got 3 nice notes from ward prayer. Chris' brother made plans with me to hang out later this week.

I miss Chris so much. But I am so blessed to have so many people in my life that care so much about me. I have so many families--my immediate and extended family, Chris' family, my ward family, my apartment, and my wonderful friends. So much of my happiness comes from the love I share with these families. No wonder God's plan of happiness is centered on the family.