Give

In fast and testimony meeting last Sunday, Andrew talked about a guy that he met this last week. The guy was in serious financial trouble. Andrew talked to him about getting a job, gave him some budgeting tips, and a little cash for food. He then said, "As I walked away, I looked down at my wallet, and I realized that I had a lot of money left in it that I could have given, but chose not to. I didn't give him everything I had--I withheld a part of my substance from him. I wish I gave him everything." He talked about how we often hold back--in our callings, in classes, in relationships, and even with Christ...he said we should give of ourselves freely.

Today, I was walking home from buying my friend a birthday present in downtown Provo. I paused with a middle-aged man at an intersection, and waited for the light to change. I gave him a brief smile, and looked away. He said tentatively, "Excuse me, miss, but do you happen to have any spare change?" ...Now, I never, ever, ever have cash in my wallet. Ever. I answered, "I'm sorry, I don't think I have any on me." He said, "Please, even a couple pennies would be great." I pulled out my wallet and opened it to see if I had any pennies--even those are rare, I usually use them at the grocery store--and I saw that I had a ten dollar bill in my wallet. I had put it there to pay aquarium entrance, but I ended up using my credit card that day. Surprised, I said, "Oh! I have got a ten!" I handed it to him. He said, "Oh, God bless you."

The light changed, and he walked away. I was surprised at myself--I'm really tight financially.I have a strict 30 dollars a week budget, and it is usually used up on food. I don't usually give money to people that ask, even if I have it....and I've been really worried about money lately, as I realize how difficult it is to get a job in Provo, especially without a car. I watched him fade into the distance, wondering if he really needed the money, and if so, what for?

I eventually came to a conclusion. I decided that it didn't matter. Maybe he really, desperately needed the money. Maybe he just thought it would be funny to ask a random person for money. Maybe I was totally taken advantage of. I have absolutely no way of knowing how deserving that man was--even if he were in a wheelchair, I have no way to know for sure what his circumstances are. So how can I judge? I can't. Maybe I needed that money more--I don't know. But how could I refuse, if there was even the slightest chance that I was refusing aid to someone truly in need, however undeserving he might be? How could I offer him pennies, when I knew I had more to give? And even if he wasn't deserving, aren't we all beggars before God? Are any of us truly deserving of his mercy and blessings?

I am a beggar at the throne of God...and I know I am an undeserving one. Yet he offers me not pennies, but all that he has. He offers me a godly inheritance: eternal life and exaltation.How can we refuse aid to those we assume to be undeserving, when He offers his blessings so freely to each of us, who we KNOW to be undeserving?

I hold back. I give some to school, and some to God, and some to family and friends, but I fall miserably short of giving my all. I keep so much of my time, my talents, and my heart back.

This month, I want to give a little more of myself to the world. If I can be a tiny bit less selfish, and a tiny bit more generous, maybe I can make a tiny bit more of a contribution.

If there is any good to be done in this world, it will be done by broken people, giving everything have left. No one on this earth has no trials and is just given the job of helping everyone else out. We can't wait around for someone else to do something good, because we are too tired or too hurt or too lonely. Everyone else is tired, hurt, and lonely, too. We have to look up from our own pain, recognize the same pain in others, and reach out to them with everything we have.

I walked out of the bathroom today, after about an hour of crying and feeling sorry for myself, to see my roommate walking out of the other bathroom, crying as well. There was no one else to comfort her--only me.