Love and Sacrifice

I've been learning a lot about the relationship between love and sacrifice this year. My patriotism levels were pretty close to indifferent before Chris enlisted. They slowly rose as we dated and became engaged, and spiked when he left for basic training and tech school...I found my love for my country increase tremendously when it meant sacrificing all contact with Chris but 1 letter a month and a 10 minute phone call a week. I've found the same principle to be true in other things...I feel so much more love for people that I serve and sacrifice to help. I feel more love for God when I consecrate my time, talents, and heart to him, and do his will.

I think Chris has been pretty worried lately that I am resentful of his military service--that I feel neglected and abandoned. Nothing could be further from the truth. He is working so hard right now--he studies constantly (He is trying to be the top student in his class...it's so funny to hear him say in a sad little voice, "I got a 94 on my block test.") And he is killing himself in PT trying to be the fastest and strongest. And on top of that, he gets about 5 hours of sleep each night, works like crazy all day, and stops by for a couple hours in the evening to spend time with me--and manages to be energetic, attentive, and happy to spend time doing whatever I want to do, when I know he is exhausted and his body just wants to nap. I think Chris is worried that I am upset that I get so little time with him, and that he can't live with me. But I'm really not--I feel so loved right now. Chris works for the things he loves...and he loves his country, and God, and me. We both feel that it is God's will that Chris serve in the military. But I know that it is more than just that to Chris. He sees it as serving his country, but most of all as a way to protect and provide for his family. So every night at 9:30 when I drop him off on base, I know that he doesn't want to leave me, and I don't feel abandoned. I feel loved--because I know how hard it is for him, and that he would rather spend all the time in the world with me...but that his service is an act of love for him.

What you give for something really is an indicator of how much you love it...and how much you give increases your love exponentially. I can tell you right now, I appreciate Chris a whole lot more when he isn't around, and I have so little time with him. And I love him so much more because it is a sacrifice to be here in Texas, away from my family and friends and school and our sweet little apartment. But he is worth it--it is worth the struggle of living in a strange place, if it means I can spend more time with him.

But, since I have all of this time to myself to ponder and wonder and pick up old hobbies, I ended up with a poem forming in my mind and flowing out of my fingers onto a piece of paper.

To My Husband Chris
Who leaves, but never leaves me feeling unloved.

Men love what they hurt for;
What's free is unloved.
But rights become treasures
When paid for with blood.

Men love what they work for;
The greater the price,
The deeper the meaning
In each sacrifice.

Men love what they hurt for.
I see what you give
For your country and God
Each day that you live.

Men love what they work for
And your love for me
Flows deeper and sweeter,
For you've served for me.


Chris, I love you so much....and I know you love me. Thank you for your service--I wouldn't change it if I could. I can't wait to have you home. You have, as always, my heart.

I'm pretty sure that poem will have a lot more meaning 1.5 years from now, when Chris is half a world away, and we are half way through a 6 month deployment...I'll probably look back and think, "that was nothing, why was I such a wimp? I got to see him every single day!!" ...but that's okay. Right now, this feels like a sacrifice, so why compare it to later or earlier or other people's sacrifices?

Either way, I got a poem out of this one. :)