Phoenix

The past few days have been absolutely crazy here. It has been really stressful adjusting to living in someone else's home, having Chris gone all the time, getting used to a new town, and trying to make friends with the few people I do have contact with here. Plus, I miss my sisters and my old roommates like crazy. I just miss being independent and surrounded by friends and family.

But after one absolutely insane day full of confusion, anxiety, disappointment, and breakdowns,  I thought things would settle down. I had a really good talk with Dana, the woman I am staying with, and spent some time with Danielle, a girl that lives 5 miles away and is married to Chris' friend in his flight. Danielle and I hit it off right away--she is so sweet, she loves music, and she has a background in psychology. Plus, she got married 4 days before we did, so we are at the same place in life.

We are already great friends, and we can tell each other pretty much anything. So, day before yesterday, (and the day after my Horrible Disappointed and Confused Day, the day that Chris and Jordan (her husband) left for base), we sat down for about 5 hours and just talked. I told her about my Horrible Disappointed and Confused Day, and she told me about her same day. Interestingly enough, we had had strangely similar days. Oh, and she told me she was pregnant. (Note: Military wives really are like family. There is a connection there that you just can't have with other people. At first it seemed strange to me that I was the first person she told, before even her parents or his--but then I thought about it, and realized that even though we only knew each other a week, we had come to really rely on one another...I am the only person she knows down here.)

Anyway. As I said, I thought things would kind of settle down. Silly me.

Yesterday, Danielle and I met up to explore base...we drove around a little, trying to avoid the MPs (Military Police. Insanely strict, insanely mean. Will pull you over for going 26 in a 25 mph zone, or for talking on the phone in a car that is turned on....and probably a lot of other things we don't know about yet. I'm scared of not using crosswalks.) We ended up looking around the BX (Base Exchange...kind of like a mall, but with a grocery store. Everything is super cheap there, and tax-free.) We got a few things there, and headed for the checkout, when Danielle stopped and grabbed an aisle shelf for support. Her face was crumpled in pain. I felt panic rise up in me. "Danielle, are you okay?" She sank to the floor and managed to say, "I don't know. It hurts really bad." I tried to keep my voice calm and asked, "Does it feel like contractions or cramps?" "It isn't cramps." "Are they rythmic?" (I honestly had no idea what questions I was supposed to ask, and I was thinking about yelling at someone to go get help.) "I don't know." By this time, I was holding her hand, and praying mantra-style, 'God, don't let her have a miscarriage right here in this store. Don't let her miscarry, don't let her miscarry, don't let her miscarry." I was scared and I felt dread flood my insides for her--I knew she was more frightened than I, and I just couldn't bear the though of her losing her baby so far away from home and friends and family, with no small comfort but me, and her husband out of reach, unable to come be with her. She looked up at me, and I knew she wanted me to have an answer and tell her what was going on, but I just didn't have anything to offer but a suggestion to find an OB/GYN in Phoenix for the next few months and my silent prayers to God.

Eventually the pain lessened, and we made it to a chair outside the food court. Chris called and said that they were given permission to leave the base, and could come see us. I told him, "Get here as soon as you can, and bring Jordan." It was a relief to see them drive up and Jordan jump out to hug his wife and talk to her. Chris hugged me too, excited to see me...I held on to him and tried not to cry. I felt drained.

So basically, things haven't settled down, and every single day is incredibly emotional, scary, or sad. Today I am scared because Aunt Dana asked me if I would come help her teach violin to a group of 36 little children, and I don't know how to even tape the violins, let alone teach them how to play and make them behave...but she said she would show me what to do before each lesson, and implored me to help...I don't think she wants to have to deal with them alone. Anyway, so that's my scary thing for today. 

I miss Provo so bad. But I wouldn't want to be separated from Chris, not for all the comforts of our little apartment and that town I know so well and my friends and family. So I'm staying for the whole 10 weeks. I think this will be a great adventure....albeit a very stressful, emotional one.

I miss and love you all.